Men And Food.
Written after I ate something in the fridge and thought “Huh. I wonder if that was for Christmas dinner?”
Rules for dealing with men. Article 34, herein known as the “Dealing With Food” act. (DWFA)
34.1 Any and all food, food stuffs or items that appear to be edible (henceforth to be referred to as “food”, “food stuff” or “food item”) that are found within the dwelling (Henceforth referred to as “dwelling”, “house” or “home”) are to be assumed by the males of the house (and close friends who are visiting) to be for consumption.
34.1 Exceptions to this act are as follows.
34.1.a The food item is clearly labeled as belonging to the females of
the household or their legal representatives.
(Refer to Section 36.1.a for approved labels.)
34.1.b The food item is clearly labeled as being for an event/party with
date and time of said event to be indicated on label.
(Refer to Section 36.1.b for approved labels.)
34.1.c The container or room that the foodstuff is contained within is
locked in a fashion is difficult to break into, including with any
available power tools.
34.1.d The food stuff or any similar is not normally found in the home
and are deemed to be so unusual that inquiries should have
been made before the food item was consumed by the male.
34.2 Remedies under this act:
34.2.a Males shall not be held liable for any food stuffs that are eaten
that are were not properly labeled/secured. Container
and or packaging must be presented by the accused male at the
time of charges being laid. Replacement of said improperly
labeled items shall be at the time and expense of the owner
and there shall be no fines, guilty trips or other actions taken
against the accused male.
34.2.b If the items in 34.1.a and 34.1.b were labeled
correctly and were consumed they shall be replaced by the
male at his time and expense within a reasonable time frame.
In the case of items 34.1.b this shall be no later than 4 hours
before the event/party on the attached label. Container
and or packaging must be presented by the accusing female at
the time of charges being laid. Appropriate
additional penalties shall be assessed on a case by case basis
based on the severity of the offense and previous offenses.
Appropriateness shall be determined by the female and the
male shall have no legal recourse or appeal in this event.
34.2.c In the event of a dispute of the “normality” of an item occurring
in a violation of 34.1.d or any other dispute that can not be
resolved by the involved parties the details of the case shall be
brought before a tribunal made up of an equal number of
males and females who were not involved in the alleged
offense nor the possessors of the allegedly illegal consumed
34.2.d If the food item belonged to a male and was eaten by a male
or female there shall be no repercussions and item will not be
replaced by the accused whether the food item was properly
labeled or not as said male would have done the same thing
given the chance.