Starbucks Wireless

Writing

One of our employees at work complained that he couldn’t get his wireless working at Starbucks. It worked everywhere else. He was an egotistical sort and as he was at Starbucks with no internet I was unable to fix his issue. So I sent him this and cc’d the other IT guys.

The following items would cause Starbucks wireless to not work properly for you.

1. Not wearing a proper sporty beret in a colour that indicates how very individual you are.
2. You’re probably not writing a movie script or The Great Canadian Novel and having other people watch you while doing it.
3. Did not give a large enough tip. Wait, what’s 15% on a $22.00 coffee?
4. Failed to order enough sprinkles on your double mocha frappachino latte with skim milk and low cal whipped topping.
5.  You have a job description that doesn’t start with “Bohemian” or “Social Activist”.

And of course the most critical item:

6. You left your Che Guevara t-shirt at home and work a clean golf shirt instead.